All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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