if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
