What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
