We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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