I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
