I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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