So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
