I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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