ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
