I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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