i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
