I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
