This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
