zippers are such a cool invention
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
as a side note pls kill me
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