i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
