What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I lost the right to judge tonight
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
