i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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