Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
