The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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