No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
