I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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