I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
