He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
