dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
