Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
