I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
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