I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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