it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
