It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
