Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
