roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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