I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
