oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
this just has baby written all over it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
