PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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