moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
