I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
