My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
