when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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