Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
