Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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