I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Hippo gnu deer
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
