I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
