I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
