Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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