dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
