So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
