Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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