there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
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I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
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painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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