There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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