Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
handjob tips. give me some.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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