There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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