You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
