So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
