I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
