It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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