omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
