i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
