glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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