Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
farters have to be the big spoon...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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