Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
