In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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