I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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