all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
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She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
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