Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
