There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
