I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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