I want to walk on stilts...naked
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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