I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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