well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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