Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
birth control should be required to get into college
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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