my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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