Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
