You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
