It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize