I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The air was thick with penises
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
