i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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