Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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